My Tough Girls March 9, 2011

These are my girls. Tough, determined, and sometimes scary! I love it that Peanut is right in there with her little sisters, showing them how to “be a tough girl”! The laughter and squeals from the front yard took me away from work (we had a fog day that had me working from home) to snap a few pictures. This one was too funny and yet it pretty much sums up the craziness that is a daily part of our lives. I wouldn’t want it any other way! Budder was inside enjoying a sister free hour – a very rare occurrence in his life!

And I couldn’t resist posting this one. This is Peanut with her pup Portia. We had a really hard summer and had to put down her first dog at 10 months old because she contracted a rare brain disease. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever had to do. Peanut had researched dogs for years, saved up money, found a specific breeder, and paid for all the shots, spaying, etc. She trained her dog faithfully and couldn’t have loved her more. It was so hard, but within a day of losing Millie we were driving 12 hours to pick up another pup from our amazing breeder. It was what Peanut wanted and needed to get through that time.  Today we couldn’t imagine life without little Portia. I’ve never seen such a “huggy” dog – she really does wrap her paws around your neck and lay her head on your shoulder or stare into your eyes. When we brought her home we wondered if we’d ever love her as much as she deserved and knew it would take a long time as we grieved Millie. Now she’s my favorite dog and she and Peanut are inseparable.

A storm day at home and jello March 2, 2011

We had a storm day yesterday. Working from home is always a treat – but today one of the treats attacked us! Poor Peanut opened the fridge to hunt for food. She didn’t expect liquid jello to be in a bowl on the top shelf. I had JUST put it there and was going back to put wrap on top, but got distracted by the cookies in the oven. A splat… a scream… and it was all over – LITERALLY!!!! The fridge, the floor, Peanut’s p.j.s, my cabinets, the rug, under the fridge, it seeped into the freezer, it seeped into the crispers and every possible shelf in the fridge. It looked like someone met a tragic end in my kitchen. I am very proud of my reaction – I laughed out loud. We took pictures. (although I have to admit that the picture doesn’t look nearly as bad as it did from all angles.) And then I started to help her clean it up. It took an hour and five separate washings of the floor to remove the sticky mess. The whole fridge had to be taken apart people! Surprisingly, we had a marvelous time, the two of us. Moments like these are the ones we’ll remember and discuss at family gatherings until I’m grey (ummm o.k. MORE grey!)

Painting Through the Storm March 1, 2011

 

Sorry about the image quality – the glare was just impossible to get rid of…

 

My time away from blogging was very purposeful. My family needed all of me in a way that was intense and exhausting. I still struggle with how much to share about that time in our lives. Every once in a while I would share too much with people and I could see by their expressions that I overwhelmed them with what was happening within the walls of our home. When each day was finally over, I either didn’t have the energy to blog or I struggled with what to share. And so I turned to a different form of expression – I painted.

The painting above now hangs in our dining room. It’s a rather large piece (5′ x 5′), but I think it’s a great way to honor our girls homeland as we intertwine our lives. As with most of the things we tackle in our lives, the journey is often more important than the results. This painting took me many months and allowed me a creative way to work through some of issues that seemed too large while I was in the middle of them. The painting gave me distance and a quiet refuge when all the kids were finally asleep.

Now that it’s complete, I see this painting as a symbol of our first year together. The journey as an artist and as a parent had many parallels.  There were many many moments when the project seemed too big to complete and I didn’t think I had the skills to do the job. There were moments of indescribable joy that surprised me and gave me hope. There were times when I felt like I wasn’t making any progress. Days I wanted to walk away. Some days it was by sheer force of will that I kept going – I struggled to find desire and motivation. There were moments when I was so entranced by the creation that I couldn’t stop the flow of creativity and emotion. There were days when I “knew” it was all working together in harmony and days when I fretted over what others would think. And then one day I put my brushes aside and realized it was done. It was what it was. There were flaws and things I would have done differently, but it was still beautiful. It was unique. And it was perfect for our family.

skiing and hair straightening January 5, 2011

Skiing was exactly what you would expect. It began with oodles of excitement, slipped into a moment of fear, was immediately replaced with crying and frustration, and then finally  we persevered,believed we could do it, and the excitement and smiles returned with two very proud Ethiopian skiers.

Bebs (left) had a particularly rough go in the middle section and was very close to quitting in a lovely fit. She and I took a little break right in the middle of the hill and sat down to talk through our options while we both calmed down. We decided to try one more letter c curve. When we stopped successfully we both noticed a shiny quarter in the snow between our skis. My mind went a thousand miles a minute and out came the best make believe story ever:

“Oh Bebs, look! A shiny quarter just for you!!! I can’t believe this is happening!! Do you know where this is from? The ski fairy (yup, I have sunk very low my friends) left this just for you! You have to put it in your pocket right away! – what, you don’t know about the ski fairy? Well, she is amazing. She knows exactly when little boys and girls are getting frustrated and just before they quit, she leaves them a bright shiny quarter! If you put it in your pocket, you will have special skiing power! She really doesn’t want you to give up Bebs! She knows that you can do this!”

The quarter was deposited in said pocket and low and behold, we could now ski! She wondered why the other kids didn’t get one, but I assured her that the ski fairy knew that she was very close to giving up and the fairy only helped the children who needed the most help.

I had moments of guilt. Really I did. But then I realized that we both knew there wasn’t a ski fairy. Playing along brought confidence and took our mind off the hard job of learning the snow plow correctly. We all have our fantasies, and this one helped my little girl learn to ski and believe in herself.

And now to our little sassy sprite. She’s been begging for straight hair for months. So today the extensions came out and the straightening iron was turned on. I even convinced her to let me give her a quick trim which is a huge step forward for her. Hair is a big deal at our house.

When you are adopted, you enter your new family without any possessions. Our girls had their names and their hair. (and the stories that came later once we could communicate) They had their hair cut once before and it was a traumatic experience for them. Just talking about haircuts sends them into a tizzy. And I get it. Really I do. They have very valid reasons for wanting to keep their hair long. But on the flip side, their hair is a lot of work to maintain. A LOT!! So even though I think they would look smashing with cute chin length bobs, (not to mention save me hours of work) I will keep finding new things to do with their hair. Straightening the hair is not something we do very often as it is damaging, but twice now I’ve done it for them and they always love the results – maybe too much, as today I was told that everyone would love her because she was so beautiful! Yes Princess Sassy, you are beautiful. (with a gentle reminder that she is beautiful on the inside too, and that’s what counts in the world of friendship)

Speaking of hair… I had my first rude moment at Christmas in the mall. Somewhere out there is a very nice, well meaning lady who I need to apologize to. After being in the mall for less that 40 minutes, she was the fourth person to ask about the girl’s hair while reaching to touch it… I told her “DON’T TOUCH HER HAIR!” which ended the conversation more abruptly than usual. I felt awful because I am usually so patient with people and talk with strangers all the time who are curious. But I had just had it. My girls have a right to wear their hair in braids and not have the general public touch said braids. I forgive little old ladies, because they did that with my bio kids too when they were young. (it’s a generational thing and they practice equal opportunity hair touching) I can’t get over the curious middle aged women though. I keep promising myself that next time I’ll run my hands through their hair and ask what product they use, but I keep chickening out. My real fear is one day I’ll snap and do something worse. Like run my hands through their husband’s hair while asking them, “isn’t it SO much fun to do his hair? I could do this all day!” oops… did I really think that?

We’re having a blast of a Christmas!! December 28, 2010

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas present for Dave’s office at work! The angle is a bit funny, and I’ll have to get a better picture yet. I started painting in October and got it done in time. It’s pretty huge (5×2 ft), but he has big walls that are crying out for something funky and his kids are his life – the perfect gift!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dave’s mom sews p.j.s every year for the kids. This year she bought the tops and sewed the bottoms. The kids LOVE them – it never gets old. Mom had wondered out loud awhile ago that maybe the bigger kids didn’t want them anymore…. they threatened to boycott Christmas – it’s traditions that make Christmas so fun!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sprite, Peanut, Bebs, and Budder

All four kids at the water park in Minneapolis recently. First time doing the water slides for the littles. The family raft ride was a hoot, and the hot tub was a favorite place too – the littles said they felt like mermaids – so I think it was a good time!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bebs and Sprite, as different as night and day, and yet always connected in a special way.

Christmas has been amazing this year. The littles know what to expect and have been doing so well. Dave is off work all week and it’s been great to hang around, have people over, go out for gatherings, and just enjoy spending so much time together.

I managed to get Bebs’ hair done just before Christmas (Sprites has been in for a month and I just couldn’t do another head and so I waited!). It’s so nice to not have to worry about it, but there are draw backs. The first drawback is the time it takes (12 hours) and the second is the attention we get. Hair in braids compared to not in braids is insane! The braids go in and suddenly we are the center of the universe and I’m warding off strangers at every turn in the mall – admittedly very rude to a lady as I said, “DON”T touch her hair!” when she reached out for it. It was the fourth in an hour… I have to balance that with the fact that the girls love it so much and it’s such a break to not have to do anything for months. I guess I’ll just have to get a t-shirt that says “you touch their hair, I’ll let them pick your nose!” More about hair in a later post – I’m having huge debates in my head about hair and would love some input from those that know better!

Tomorrow is off on another first adventure – we’re taking the kids skiing! Peanut and Budder started skiing at age four and it’s something we have always enjoyed doing whether it’s here on our little bumps of hills or heading for the mountains. Tomorrow the twins get initiated into this winter fun – I can’t wait!! I know it will be interesting – Bebs said she’d “do the sitting part, but that’s it!” Later discussion clarified that she wanted to ride the chairs up and then down again – she’d just skip the skiing part! Our little Sprite is a whole different story -she’s fearless! (guess who I’ll “volunteer” to take with me?)

I better get to bed – the cooler is packed and the snow gear is out and ready – it’s a 6:00 wake up to drive to the hill!

 

 

Where to begin? Home 15 months… December 25, 2010

It’s so hard to believe that our beautiful girls have been in our lives for over a year now! This picture was taken our first week home. When we look back now it’s like looking at baby pictures – you can hardly believe they were that little!!

And here they are celebrating one year in Canada! I’ll post more pics later from this Christmas!

It has been an amazing journey so far and we feel incredibly blessed as a family. The twins are in grade one this year and loving every minute. They are doing exceptionally well at school and bring a lot of energy to their class. Well, truthfully, they bring a lot of energy everywhere they go! They are wonderfully sassy, loud, beautiful, graceful, and have the most wicked sense of humor! They are as different as night and day – in everything! Abebech is a tiny, academic, fashionista, techno-crazed, fiercely independent sprite with the cutest giggle in the whole world. She has made some significant gains with attachment in the last few months and is becoming much more cuddly as she allows herself to love us deeply. Abebu is a slim, exceptionally tall, sporty, emotionally intense, tenderhearted, lego building, gum addict whose main goal in life is to find the right man.

All four kids are so incredibly bonded – it’s wonderful! Some days I smile when I hear them fighting. It’s music to an adoptive mom’s ears! Our house has changed. It’s so LOUD, filled with giggling, shrieking, running, poking, tickling, dancing, singing children who make us laugh until we cry almost every week. We can hardly believe or imagine what our lives were like before the twins. After the girls were home six weeks or so Peanut announced at diner that our life was incredibly boring before they came. I don’t know if we were boring , but our life seems to be pretty exciting every day. Everything is “the best in the whole university!”

Parts of this past year have been hard. Very hard. There were times when we felt alone and felt like we had lost the ability to parent. People couldn’t always understand the reality of what was happening in our home or why we made decisions we did. I ached for my girls as I watched them grieve and adjust to their new lives. We wondered if we would ever be able to make it through a day without the caution and planning required to help our girls cope. But one day you wake up and realize that things are different. You realize that you haven’t had to pack chili powder in your purse for months… you realize that your kids are eating everything on the table and you have lost your position as short order cook! You aren’t counting grapes and hugs. You realize that you can plan activities two days in a row without major consequences. You realize that the temper tantrums are rare instead of a daily occurrence. And you realize that you miss things that frustrated you before – like the ability to communicate. The girls are almost fully fluent. How can that be? Just this week they pronounced monkey the way we all say it. “Mohn kee” is gone. So is “bee air” (bear).

Just today our kids were lobbying for another sibling. Well to be honest it went more like this – Peanut wants three more siblings! Budder has always said no more, but today said he’d really love a brother. “The Littles” as we call them, wanted two more. We discussed it with them very casually when they brought it up because we wanted to hear all their reasons and rationale. (we were in the van on the way to a gathering) The things they shared were so beautiful. As I listened I realized that it wasn’t the wanting another sibling that was important, it was the acceptance and love between them that I was hearing. “THEY”, the four of them, desired to bring someone else into their sphere of love. We were in a place now where we could reach out again and not be so inward focused. A season for everything. I felt like I crossed an important milestone today – we are whole and complete and healthy. The journey is far from over and we don’t pretend to have it all together, but we are celebrating! Or perhaps it is just me finally catching up….

Taking a break… October 5, 2009

Hey everyone. We’re taking a break from the blogging world for awhile. We need to devote all our time to helping our girls adjust right now. For those of you who are close to us, you’ll be kept in the loop. For those of you who might be far away, or friends I’ve met through our journey – you are welcome to e-mail.

Ethiopia -Day 2 September 29, 2009

Both Dave and I were up super early due to the time change. We had plenty of time to get ready to meet our driver at 9:00. We ate breakfast at our guest house and packed up the girl’s backpacks. We included their new dolls, colouring books and crayons, and more bubbles. We were only expected at the foster home at 11:00, so we went out to buy some groceries to keep at the Weygoss. Our driver asked if we’d be o.k. in the grocery store by ourselves and the four of us took off to explore. It was just a “little” grocery by Canada’s standards (we later realized how big it was for Ethiopia) but we had a blast together choosing juices we thought the kids would like, sorting through an isle of crackers and cookies (the one’s I bought were awful now that I think of it!) and finally found heaven in the chocolate bar section. A bag of mini snickers was my undoing – now I knew I could stay in Ethiopia indefinitely!

The drive to the foster home flew by – we were so excited to see the girls again. The nerves from the first meeting were gone – now we were just eager to get there and to continue to get to know them.  We also hoped we’d be allowed to take some pictures and video for some families waiting back home. Our girls came to meet us proudly wearing their new clothes. They especially loved their new shoes and were full of giggles. They were already much less hesitant than the day before. When they saw that we had backpacks for them they immediately started to open them up. The little dolls I found were a huge hit! The dolls lost their clothes within minutes and were being changed into pajamas because they had gone “kaka”. No need to interpret girls – you are very competent little mothers! They really loved all their new things, but the most prized possession came in the form of sun glasses that their friend Mirtalem had given them when our family had visited the Vriend family in summer. Mirtalem had been in the foster home with our girls and had formed a special attachment to Abebech. Those sunglasses went everywhere and only got taken off to sleep!

As our girls settled into colouring we asked about some other special children (well, they are ALL special, but there are some we have connections with) because we knew if we came home without pictures our lives might be in danger! It was slightly chaotic since I had four families and Lisa was seeing five or six! The staff there was amazingly patient and we were allowed to see all the children we had permission to see, take pictures, in some cases trace feet, and take video. For all parents who have children there, rest assured, your kids are in very good hands! The caregivers were so proud of the children and clearly had bonded with them and loved them very much.

Soon it was time to leave and all four of our kids (ours and J&L’s) came very willingly into the van. They were so excited to be coming with “mommy and daddy” or maybe the van was the draw? When we were almost ready to go we realized we had a little tag along! Ramona’s little Paulos was at the van ready to get in! He saw people walking and just followed the crowd! So now he has practice Linc and Ramona! He’s ready for his trip in the special blue van!!

We took the kids back to the guest house and rested a bit in our room. I say a “bit” because the girls discovered a whole suitcase with girl clothes in it! They were adorable as they asked (mimed with many amharic words I don’t know) “are these for us?” They definitely understood “yes!” I can not begin to describe the joy on those faces. They were naked before we could blink and trying on everything they could see. A bathing suit top went over a sweatshirt!! What a great girl moment. Daddy looked a bit nervous… it was like a group of shopping crazed women at a 50% off shoe sale or something! Clothes were flying everywhere!! After the euphoria abated we took the girls outside to play soccer in the courtyard with the other kids. They loved the balls and running around with so much personal attention. Four adults for four children was just about right!

Supper was “spinelli” (spaghetti) which they asked for by name, but really didn’t love all that much. Then it was up to bed – we were all exhausted by 7:00 (which is what they were used to at the foster home). Dave and I sat on our bed which was right beside the girl’s bed and visited about the amazing day. Abebu was closest to me and had to have her hand touching me all night long to make sure I didn’t go anywhere.

** Our reflections that night**

Both Dave and I were amazed at how prepared the girls were for the transition. We can not thank the Cafac staff at the foster home enough. The girls called us Mommy and Daddy from the first minute. After checking with our driver (who was really more of a personal translator, tour guide, counsellor, driver, bartering shopper…. you get the idea! Amazing!!) we realized that the girls knew all of the steps of this transition and had obviously gone over it many times. Haregewain (the cafac director of the foster home) had assured us back at the foster home that they knew exactly what was happening too. She mentioned that they had seen some of their friends leave just this way and that there were many children crying in the next room when we left – already missing our girls. That was so sad to us and reminded us of all they have been through, but comforting that the staff was so aware and did so much to help each child prepare for their special day. Dave and I were also so surprised that the girls were calm and eager to sit in our laps, snuggle, and hug us. We had prepared for any reaction and most likely some negative, but that didn’t happen at all. It was still very surreal to look over at the next bed and see two little heads peaking out of the covers!

Ethiopia -Day 1 September 19, 2009

We arrived in Addis on Friday morning, just before lunch. We were so thrilled that we could travel from Toronto through Dubai, and then on to Ethiopia with Jason and Lisa who were also picking up their two children. After the intense heat and humidity in Dubai, Addis felt wonderful at 21 degrees.

Addis Ababa, view from airport

Our driver took us to the guest house, but only after I had convinced him that we needed to see the children today! It turned out that we could go to the foster home, but we needed to show up soon to fit into their scheduel for the day. It meant only a fifteen minute stop at the guest house to dump our bags, get cleaned up, find the kids clothes for the next day, presents and stuff to do at the foster home…. No problem! It’s amazing what you can do when you have a big enough incentive!

The drive to the foster home was a great initiation into Addis traffic and scenery. Even when people tell you ahead of time, it is something else to drive down the streets of a major city and see goats, donkeys, and chickens everywhere. Your mind is racing in so many directions at once! You are trying to take in all the sights and smells, you are trying to visit with the driver, and mostly you are thinking about that first meeting that you have dreamed about for so long that is now minutes away! I have to confess my stomach went from little butterflies to “I think I’m going to be sick” in minutes. But I was smiling the whole way!

Door of the foster home

When we arrived, Lisa and Jason’s sweet children were brought in first so that we could video for them and take pictures. It was so much fun to watch them meet and to see the excitement on their children’s faces. It wasn’t too long before Haregewain brought in our girls. They were quite shy, but very receptive to us. We gave them some bubbles, a beach ball, and some other little things and we went outside to play together. They were very interested in the new picture books we brought and we spent time looking at them with our wonderful driver translating for the girls. Playing with the ball and bubbles gave us something to do while we all became more familiar. It didn’t take long and Abebech was in my lap snuggling. We later learned that she had pretty bad chest congestion and couldn’t play very long without feeling tired and worn out. Abebu was more active and had a blast running all over the yard with Dave. We left them with their outfits for the next day and big hugs. They were very excited about their new clothes and had to try them on before we left!

** I had to come back and add something! I totally forgot until I looked at my notes, but Dave made a grave tactical error this day… he showed the girls his Iphone and let them take pictures with it!!!! They were mesmerized. Instantly hooked. And brilliant enough to do it on their own after being shown twice. I say error because they are techno-crazy now! I do have to admit it was an amazing bonding tool. Daddy became the king of the world for having that fun toy, but then the next day he wasn’t too keen on them running around with it and sharing with everyone they saw!

Driving away from the foster home was much easier than I thought. It was so clear to us that our girls were well taken care of and had made some wonderful friends. We were so glad that they could have one last night to visit and say good-bye. They had seen enough of their friends leave with their parents in just this way, and I think it helps all the children to understand what the process is all about. Dave and I both felt that the girls were very prepared for all the different parts of the transition by the staff at the foster home.

Driving away from the foster home was much easier than I thought. It was so clear to us that our girls were well taken care of and had made some wonderful friends. We were so glad that they could have one last night to visit and say good-bye. They had seen enough of their friends leave with their parents in just this way, and I think it helps all the children to understand what the process is all about. Dave and I both felt that the girls were very prepared for all the different parts of the transition by the staff at the foster home.

We headed back to the guest house where we spent the rest of the day. Mostly unpacking, ordering in supper, visiting with Jason and Lisa, and getting to bed quite early. We knew we’d have a very busy day on Saturday and needed to be well rested! We fell asleep talking about the girls and all the little things we noticed about them.

News flash – Freezie alert! September 18, 2009

The girls tried Freezies today for the first time. Are you aware that freezies are much to cold for mere mortal hands? Life and death situation really. Who knew? But we have conquered the freezie – we wrap a hand towel around it so that we can enjoy the sweet “water” and not perish at the same time!

Sorry I’m not posting the trip – I’m just glad to have distributed all the pictures and video we took for other families this week! I’m also finding it a bit busy around here with four kids…. who could have guessed?

I’m off to decompress – the girls are asleep and friends are bringing over a movie – what a treat!!