Paperwork done already…. September 26, 2008

O.K. that didn’t take long! We got our last piece of paperwork done today – our doctor’s letter. Now we wait for our social worker to call and plan a visit to finish this update.

I was so impressed with our family doctor’s office for helping us make this happen so quickly. When you have a popular doctor like we do it’s almost impossible to get in when you really need to see him. (He’s booking in the end of November!) Although that seems ridiculous to me I wouldn’t change for anything!! He’s an amazing doctor who just happens to be from South Africa! It’s a ways from Ethiopia, but he’s familiar with all the “possibilities” I have mentioned to him and isn’t at all concerned. He just so happens to also be the family doctor of at least two families that have already adopted from Ethiopia. He’s quite up to date on “dating” children who might be older than what is on their birth certificate as well.

The paperwork has started again! September 21, 2008

We just got our package from our agency to update our file as it stale dates in December. Instead of being discouraged I’m so excited that once again I have a job to do! I know that this time my speed  will not change our timeline, but it gives me great joy to be able to work on something!!! For weirdo’s like me they should really send us a package every week that doesn’t “do” anything, but keeps us feeling useful! (by now I’d color pictures if I thought it would help!) So we’re off to the police station right after work tomorrow and will book our physicals as well to update the medical file. I had all the other paperwork filled out and signed within half an hour of opening the package! After that we have to meet with our social worker and then we’re done! It is also encouraging to do this because it shows us just how far we’ve come! Kiddies, we’re on our way as fast as we can! 

Notice I still say “kiddies”. I still believe.

Ethiopia Group and Pondering Parenting September 20, 2008

We had the opportunity to host our Ethiopian group last night at our house. It was great to connect with families that we hadn’t seen during our busy summer. What a great time! I value their openness and their encouragement. Without them I’d only have book knowlege!!

And that brings me to my pondering… or maybe reflecting. When we were expecting our children we read perhaps two books – “What to Expect” and a baby name book. We had both been around kids our whole lives and very active in our extended family. We were somewhat naive, but blissfully laid back. We often caught ourselves laughing at couples who had stacks of books for every topic on parenting, especially when they had their “system” all worked out before the baby was ever born. We had many discussions on parenting, but really didn’t feel the need to read ahead. Actually, I think I did try one other book once, but came away scared of all the “possible” things that could be wrong with my baby so I decided to stop! When we ran into trouble? -We called our mothers. (we thankfully both have amazing mothers who are so helpful) We called our doctor. -Peanut had medical issues that eventually required surgery. We asked other parents in the church nursery. Our system was “ask when you have a problem, but don’t borrow trouble”. It seems to have worked out just fine. 

This adoption is so different. I’m gobbling up every fact or piece of information I can! The more I read, the more I realize that adoption parenting may look totally different than the way we raised our bio children. You do need to be informed because these kids are coming to us bruised and grieving. We need to know what to look for to insure that they can be healthy, physically and emotionally. I find myself wondering, “will I know if it is an adoption related issue or just a “stage” they are going through that is normal?” 

That leads me to another concern – parenting children I have never met in front of the world. O.K. not the world, but our world for sure. When I first started reading about attachment I thought parts of it were a bit kooky. I read blogs where parents were laying down the rules for their friends and family and it sounded cold and way too rigid. But after reading many many books, blogs, and forums I understand so much better. My concern is that when we parent with attachment in mind that our friends and family will react just as I did – “come on, you can’t be serious!”  (and I don’t blame them one bit) So now what? I think we’ve decided to combine the best of both parenting styles. We’re going to wait and see what our kids are like and we will continue to read. 

And now I come full circle- back to our Ethiopia group! Thank you all so much for being so candid about your experiences. Thank you for putting up with all my questions. Thank you for being patient with me as I learn more about this process. You have all been an invaluable part of our education. I’m sure there are days when you think, “that girl needs to stop reading books!” and yet you have graciously helped us as we journey toward bringing our kids home. We know we will be a better family because of you.

Adjustments to “our” plan September 15, 2008

Well, no one ever promised this process would be easy. I’ve spent the night and most of today pondering the ever increasing wait times. And here’s what I know: I’ve wanted to adopt for forever. Looking back, I can clearly see God moving in our lives and inviting us to adopt exactly when he did. He knew these waits were shorter (like two or three times shorter!!!) a year earlier, and yet that’s not what he chose for us. He knows our children intimately and knows our family. He has a plan. It’s definitely not “my” plan, but every time I get impatient and switch to “my” plan things seem to unravel. I believe he knows what is best for all of us. Now it’s just the trusting and waiting. (but you won’t catch me EVER praying for patience…I’m all practiced up!)

Nothing new or awe inspiring in this  post, just reminding myself of the truth I already know. 

Now I’m off to staples to buy some great new pens for a pointillism project. (art teacher talk) Oh, speaking of art… our Manitoba teacher conference is coming up and I signed up for an amazing class on glass fusion! I’m waiting to see if I got in. (limited space) Second choice was mosaic, which would also be great. I’ll let you know what develops!!

False alarm September 14, 2008

I wrote about this on an adoption board tonight, but others/family may enjoy my pain as well!

So “the call”… We finally agreed that if it came during the day, Dave would get it (his cell is listed) and he would wait until after school and have me call him. I know myself too well and the teaching day would be a write-off if I knew about it, but couldn’t leave work! It should work great because in all the years (6) I’ve taught Dave has maybe called me six times… and always at lunch. 

Except this Friday… I got a message to come to the office after dismissal. I walked down the hall thinking, “this is what it will feel like one day!” When I got to the office the secretary told me to call my husband. What? Are you serious??!! I ran to the phone and nearly knocked down three students who happened to be standing in front of the staff room door. I called… and then my husband asked me about a possible family gathering we didn’t know about… Excuse me? THAT”S why you called????? I couldn’t believe it. I told him he was lucky he was on the other end of the phone… because if we were in the same room I would have tackled him. 

We now have a new understanding. Our house could be on fire, but he’s not allowed to call at the end of the day unless he’s telling me a referral is here! (o.k. so I exaggerate a bit)

Again, how do you all do it?

Feeling discouraged September 14, 2008

I thought I was doing so well with the wait. I was… but this evening when I spent some time on an adoption board I realized just how many people are now waiting over a year for a referral. It just sucks. In fact, a year sounds really good… some are waiting 14 – 16 months. I can’t imagine waiting that long. That means I would wait until June? Hello!! JUNE???? That means worst case is travel NEXT CHRISTMAS. That is a full year later than we were told. (I know, I know, I have to get over what they “told” us) But it’s so hard some days. We’re just coming to 8 months. Could only be half way…. How do you all do it? 

On a more positive note, we’ve made contact with a contractor to come and do our renovation for us! He’s got an opening for us in January, which is just perfect. I know that if we don’t have a referral by Christmas I’m going to be needing a project to keep me sane!! This reno has been a long time coming. We’ve talked about since we’ve moved and other jobs just kept bumping it down the line. At this point we really only use two floors of our four level split. (with the exception of Peanut’s room in the basement) Everything else on those two floors is old and uckka. I don’t go there unless I am forced to. I can’t remember when I used that bathroom last. (I do make sure we clean it though…)  Our contractor will be coming over this week or next to walk through the project with us. I’m so excited to get started and have an actual deadline that will force us to start clearing the space. (sometimes that’s the only way to get it done!) One little job he will have to start now – that is cutting our foundation to make a larger window in Budder’s new room in the basement. Right now there is a window, but it is small and I want to make sure that the room is well lit with natural light and safe. Peanut’s room has the same size window (right next door), but she has a giant bookshelf build around it and it would be a huge project to change it. She’s also very tiny and can easily fit through.  

well, I’m off to work on my quilt! It’s another attempt at keeping busy and it’s working. I chose a pattern with many many tiny triangles that is driving me crazy.

Back to work… later renamed anticipating “the call”… September 1, 2008

Tomorrow I’m officially back to work. I’m very ready and super excited to be back in the classroom, but what am I stressing about? … what if “the call” comes while I’m at work? Now I know all you btdt’s will be laughing and saying “yes… we all work too…” But I’m scheming and planning for the best way to handle “the call”. David thinks I’m ridiculous and laughs at my planning. I laugh too, and then plan some more! What if it’s in the morning? Can I even leave work to see their pictures? If I can’t, then I don’t really want to know. I know I’d be useless for the rest of the day. How does it exactly work? Do Dave and I have to be together? (I’d really like to be!) So maybe Dave shouldn’t tell me until after work… but REALLY? I can’t wait that long (even if I don’t know about it!)  -You see how crazy I have become.

And speaking of “the call”… I can’t believe how unpredictable this is!! Some families received referrals for requests similar to ours in four months (that would have been three months ago for us) so it is POSSIBLE that we could be close (there aren’t that many families in front of us with the same request) It is also very possible that I will be crazy in January when we come up to a year since our paperwork landed in Ethiopia and I still haven’t seen my beautiful children!!! Up to now, I’ve been more relaxed – I knew there were others in front of us and we couldn’t get “the call” (I feel like there should be special music playing “duh duh duh” every time I type “the call”) but now that we are close it’s way WAY worse! (In a pathetically good way) I know all about jumping every time the phone rings and trying not to sound disappointed to the caller! I feel like saying, “yes, I really do want to talk to you!! Please just call back in exactly one minute so I know it’s “only” you.” *grin* 

A thought just struck me funny. The person I want to hear from the most in the entire world is a woman I have met twice and talked to exactly four times. (three of those being at the cafac seminar!) I don’t know very much about her and she doesn’t really know me. Yet I long to hear her voice. I find myself trying to remember her voice so that I can recognize it when she calls. (my voice recognition is the pits lately) 

And yet, to re-assure all my family and friends who are not adopting, I will say that I’ve had a great summer and I’m having a blast with my family. Most of the time I don’t even think about it, I just live. Certain things trigger responses – like the phone, but even then I’m too busy folding laundry, chasing Budder around the house for a smark-alek comment, or helping Peanut plan her up-coming birthday party. (we’re making duct-tape purses, but more to come on that next time!) This blog has been my place to work through my feelings about the adoption. It’s almost always over-reactive because I “spill my guts” here and then feel totally better and get on with things. Things seem to work themselves out as I write. You, my wonderful readers are left to wonder. By the time I’ve finished a post I’m almost always on to something else. Thanks for sharing the journey with me.